Who gives speeches at a wedding?
Anyone the two of you would love to hear from. Traditionally that has meant a host, often a parent, one or both of the couple, and a member of the wedding party. Today many couples invite a sibling, a grandparent, a close friend or a mentor instead, or keep it to one or two voices. What matters most is choosing people who know you well and who will enjoy the moment rather than dread it.
Three or four speeches suit most receptions. Beyond that, even great speakers start to compete with tired guests and cooling food.
- A parent or other host, to welcome guests
- One or both of you, to say thank you
- A best person, maid or matron of honor, or close friend
- A sibling, grandparent or other relative
- A joint speech from two friends or siblings
What is the traditional wedding speech order?
A widely used traditional order starts with whoever is hosting, who welcomes guests and toasts the couple. One or both of the couple then reply with thanks, and the wedding party speaks last, closing with a toast. The logic is simple: welcome, thanks, then the stories and the big finish. Many families still like this shape because it gives the evening a clear beginning and ending.
Modern orders are just as valid. As a simple rule, put the most nervous speaker early, the most confident one last, and end on a toast that gets everyone raising a glass.
- Traditional: host, couple, wedding party
- Couple first: you welcome everyone, then friends and family follow
- Couple last: family and friends speak, then you close with thanks
- Family then friends: relatives first, friends to finish
- Split: one or two speeches before the meal, the rest after
How long should each speech be?
As a guide, 3–5 minutes suits most speakers, and a short thank-you from the two of you works well at 2–4 minutes. At a relaxed speaking pace, five minutes is roughly 600–700 words, which is less than most first drafts. Aim for the whole block to last 20–30 minutes, including introductions and applause. Giving every speaker the same guideline feels fair and stops one speech from quietly becoming a keynote.
- Welcome from a host: 2–4 minutes
- Thank-you from the couple: 2–4 minutes
- Wedding party or friend: 3–5 minutes
- Joint speech: 5–7 minutes in total
- Whole block: under about 30 minutes
When should speeches happen during the reception?
There are three popular slots, and your caterer’s service plan usually settles it. Before the meal, speakers can relax and enjoy dinner, and guests are fresh, but hungry. Between courses, the kitchen gets breathing room and the energy stays even. After the main course or dessert, guests are fed and settled, and speeches lead neatly into cake and the first dance. Whichever you choose, keep speeches before the bar has been open for hours.
Tell your caterer, photographer, videographer and DJ or band the exact slot, so food isn’t served mid-toast and cameras are ready.
How to brief your speakers
Speakers do their best work when they know exactly what is expected. A short, friendly message a couple of months ahead covers almost everything, and a quick reminder in wedding week helps. For example: “We’d love you to speak after dinner, second of three, for about four minutes. The DJ will introduce you and hand you the mic. Keep it warm, and please skip exes and anything you wouldn’t say in front of grandparents.”
- Their slot and position in the order
- A time guideline
- Who introduces them and hands over the mic
- Tone, and any topics to avoid
- Names and pronunciations to get right
- Anyone being remembered, and how you’d like that handled
- Whether they should end with a toast
Microphones, sound and toast logistics
Ask your venue, DJ or band who provides the microphone and whether it is handheld or wireless. Test it during setup at the spot where speakers will stand, ideally facing guests and well lit for photos. Your videographer may want to add a separate recorder for clean audio. If you have guests with hearing loss, ask whether the venue has a hearing loop or can seat them close to the speakers.
If there is a toast, make sure glasses are filled before speeches begin, including alcohol-free options, and let the catering team know when to pour.
Common speech mistakes to avoid
Most speech problems come from missing information rather than bad speakers. A clear plan prevents nearly all of them, and it lets everyone relax and enjoy listening. If someone you haven’t asked offers to speak, it’s fine to thank them warmly and suggest a toast at the rehearsal dinner or a message in your guest book instead.
- Too many speakers for the time available
- No time guideline, or one that differs between speakers
- Scheduling speeches late, after hours at the bar
- Unplanned open-mic moments
- Long inside jokes most guests won’t follow
- Mentions of exes or embarrassing stories
- Serving food or clearing plates mid-speech
- No one assigned to introduce each speaker
Track this task
The quick version of this guide, as it appears in the 3–6 Months Before checklist. Mark it done to save your progress.
Decide who will give speeches
Give each speaker a slot, an order and a few-minute limit
Decide who will give speeches
Give each speaker a slot, an order and a few-minute limit
Decide who will give wedding speeches about three months ahead, and let each speaker know their slot, order and a suggested length of a few minutes.
Steps
0/6Speakers appreciate time to prepare, and a clear plan keeps speeches warm rather than long. Deciding now avoids surprises on the day, helps your caterer time food service around them, and lets you gently set expectations about length and tone before anyone starts writing.
- Three to five minutes per speech is a comfortable guide for most speakers.
- Would you feel comfortable giving a short speech?
- Do we want to say a few words ourselves?
Frequently asked questions
What order do wedding speeches go in?
A traditional order is the host first, then one or both of the couple, then the wedding party, ending with a toast. Many couples change it, for example speaking first or last themselves. Any order works if speakers know it in advance.
How many speeches should there be at a wedding?
Three or four speeches suit most receptions and keep the block to about 20–30 minutes. Smaller weddings often have one or two. If you want to hear from more people, consider a joint speech or a slot at the rehearsal or welcome dinner.
Does the couple have to give a speech?
No. Many couples say a few words of thanks, often 2–4 minutes, but it is entirely optional. One of you can speak, you can speak together, or you can ask a host to thank guests on your behalf.
Who introduces the speakers at a wedding?
Usually a DJ, band leader, venue coordinator or a chosen emcee, often a friend or relative. Give them the running order, each speaker’s name and pronunciation, and a signal for when to begin, so transitions feel smooth.
What should a wedding speech not include?
Skip references to exes, embarrassing or private stories, long inside jokes and anything that could upset family members. A good speech is short, warm and specific, with one or two stories that most guests can enjoy.
Should you have an open mic for wedding speeches?
Most couples avoid it, because unplanned speeches can run long or go off script. If you like the idea, keep it short, ask someone to host it, and plan it after the main speeches, not before.